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5 Problems with Parallelism

Posted July 7th, 2012. Filed under Style



1. “It was a serious distraction and threat to more meaningful reform efforts.”
Something is wrong with this sentence. To diagnose the problem, remove one of the noun phrases from the beginning of the sentence and determine whether the remaining statement is still correct, then replace it and remove the other one. “It was a serious threat to more meaningful reform efforts” is correct, but “It was a serious distraction to more meaningful reform efforts” is jarring because the preposition is not idiomatically appropriate. The noun phrases are supported by different prepositions, so they cannot share the word to; assign the correct preposition to each one: “It was a serious distraction from and threat to more meaningful reform efforts.”

Should the word threat be preceded by the article a to make it parallel with distraction? No, because serious applies to both nouns, and an additional article would isolate threat from the shared adjective. Also, the phrase “and threat to” appears to be parenthetical, but it’s not necessarily necessary to set it off by commas, parentheses, or em dashes.

However, enclosing it in parentheses suggests a whispering insinuation, and using em dashes would signal a provocative interjection, so the context might merit either parenthetical strategy. In either case, though, threat should be assigned a repetition of serious — “It was a serious distraction from (and a serious threat to) more meaningful reform efforts” — or a distinct adjective (“It was a serious distraction from — and a grave threat to — more meaningful reform efforts.”)

2. “Elected officials and activists representing forty-five environmental groups attended the event.”
When two or more nouns or noun phrases follow one or more adjectives (as in the previous example), the assumption is that the modifying word or words applies to each noun. In this case, however, the subject consists of the elements “elected officials” and “activists representing forty-five environmental groups” linked by a conjunction, not “elected officials (representing forty-five environmental groups)” and “(elected) activists representing forty-five environmental groups” joined by and. To clarify this distinction, recast the sentence: “Activists representing forty-five environmental groups, as well as elected officials, attended the event.”

3. “He has to be, if not the, one of the stupidest people in TV news.”
The basic statement here is “He has to be one of the stupidest people in TV news,” but the writer has failed in an attempt to suggest the superlative as well, awkwardly implying also that “he has to be the stupidest person in TV news.” (The superlative is the ultimate form of an adjective, more extreme than the basic form — stupid, in this case – and the comparative, stupider.)

But “if not the” collides with “one of the”; the unstated — and incorrect — complete thought is, “He has to be the stupidest people in TV news.” To smooth out this disjointed sentence, introduce the superlative first in a complete thought, and then retreat to the milder criticism in a following modifying phrase: “He has to be if not the stupidest person in TV news, then one of the stupidest.”

Note that a comma does not follow be, because doing so would imply that two commas are necessary to set “if not the stupidest person in TV news” off from the basic sentence “He has to be then one of the stupidest,” and that’s a faulty grammatical analysis. This sentence is constructed from a simple “if, then” foundation, so use a single comma to separate the two propositions.

4. “He kept a house there as well as homes in rural Oxfordshire, England, and Miami.”
This sentence implies that the subject kept three additional homes: one in Oxfordshire, one in England, and one in Miami. (It also incorrectly suggests that, as in the second example above, a single adjective applies to all nouns that follow.) What the writer meant, as we determine momentarily — which is one moment too late — is that one additional residence is located in Oxfordshire, England, and another is in Miami.

When one or more “city, state” or “city, nation” constructions are associated with a “city” reference, the sentence must be revised to clarify the hierarchy of referents. One solution is to distance the two objects with proprietary prepositions: “He kept a house there as well as homes in rural Oxfordshire, England, and in Miami.” Another, clearer choice is to do so but also place the simpler referent first: “He kept a house there as well as homes in Miami and in rural Oxfordshire, England.”

5. “The company was to be paid between $300 and $400 million.”
This “you know what I meant” bungle is inoffensive but incorrect, and should be corrected on principle because a similar but more egregiously ambiguous construction would definitely merit revision, so why be inconsistent and excuse one but not the other? The two figures in question are $300 million and $400 million, and for the sake of clarity, the first instance of million should not be elided: “The company was to be paid between $300 million and $400 million.”

The same principle applies if the range is separated by the word to: “The company was to be paid $300 million to $400 million.” However, when the sentence does not apply to orders of magnitude — “Compliance ranged from 50 to 75 percent” — the operative word need not be repeated, because no ambiguity about the relation of the first number to the second one exists.


Original Post: 5 Problems with Parallelism

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bruit

Posted July 7th, 2012. Filed under Uncategorized

Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day for July 07, 2012 is:

bruit • \BROOT\  • verb
: report, rumor — usually used with about

Examples:
Word of his imminent dismissal was bruited about.

"In Iraq, the mission of the remnant of U.S. forces — the number 3,000 has been bruited — will, [Leon] Panetta says, include counterterrorism actions ‘working with the Iraqis.’" — From an editorial by George Will in The Washington Post, September 18, 2011

Did you know?
Back in the days of Middle English, the Anglo-French noun "bruit," meaning "clamor" or "noise," rattled into English. Soon English speakers were also using it to mean "report" or "rumor" (it applied especially to favorable reports). We also began using "bruit" as a verb the way we used (and still occasionally do use) the verb "noise," with the meaning "to spread by rumor or report" (as in "the scandal was quickly noised about"). The English noun "bruit" is now considered archaic, but the verb lives on.

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A couple weeks ago, I sat down with Rosecrans Baldwin, author of the terrific travel memoir Paris, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down. Rosecrans talked about life in contemporary France, what it’s like when your coworkers read about themselves in your book, and getting tricked by a member of LCD Soundsystem.

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“Batman: The Black Glove” hits enters the list at No. 2.

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For your weekend reading pleasure, here are our top stories of the week, including disappearing books, a Wal-Mart library and Tom Cruise playing Lee Child‘s thriller hero, Jack Reacher (video embedded above).

Click here to sign up for GalleyCat’s daily email newsletter, getting all our publishing stories, book deal news, videos, podcasts, interviews, and writing advice in one place.

1. Tom Cruise Plays Jack Reacher in New Trailer
2. Wal-Mart Converted into a Library
3. Free Sites to Promote Your eBook
4. CJ Lyons Sweeps Self-Published Bestseller List with 99-Cent Sale
5. Twitter Cheat Sheet for Writers
6. Book That Disappears As You Read
7. The Lost History of Fifty Shades of Grey
8. 5 Ways to Promote Your Book Right Now
9. J. K. Rowling eBook Will Cost $19.99
10. Jennifer Weiner on Social Media, Blogging & Writing About Controversial Issues

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

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The latest addition to our Reviews Section is joint review by Sarah 2 and Quantum Sarah on Alessandro Baricco’s Emmaus, which is translated from the Italian by Mitch Ginsburg and is available from McSweeney’s.

Here is an excerpt from their review:

Alessandro Baricco’s latest novel, Emmaus, centers on the friendship of four working-class Catholic adolescents and their shared love for a tragic, sexual young woman named Andre. The plot of the novel follows the trajectory of a classic loss of innocence story, but Baricco immediately complicates this definition. What distinguishes Emmaus from other narratives of this archetype is its ambiguous stance in respect to Catholicism and sin. It would be a grievous oversimplification to say that the boys live in a world of repression and then find truth, or that they are innocent, pure souls in childhood and are subsequently corrupted in adolescence. To the contrary, Baricco distinctly avoids this simplistic dichotomy of good and evil: the narrator and his friends possess constant awareness of promiscuity and violence, but they don’t label it as such.

Click here to read their entire review.

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The biographer will write about how he came to tackle Lyndon Johnson and Robert Moses as his subjects.

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Larry Tye talks about his new biography of the iconic American superhero.

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0912_bookclub_150x100.jpgYou can read all the online book reviews in the world, but nothing beats real-world conversations between readers and authors. To help our community grow, we will host our second West Coast edition of the Mediabistro Book Club on July 18th at Whiskey Blue in Los Angeles.

Follow this link to RSVP. The free event will feature giveaway books and lots of literary conversation. Our featured authors will include:

Jim Krusoe with Parsifal
Lisa Napoli with Radio Shangri-La
Alix Ohlin with INSIDE
Tere Tereba with Mickey Cohen: The Life and Crimes of L.A.’s Notorious Mobster

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

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Science fiction novelist John Scalzi will release the next book in his Old Man’s War series as a digital episodic novel. The Human Division serial will begin in December.

Tor senior editor Patrick Nielsen Hayden outlined the strategy in the release: “The Human Division will be an experiment: an episodic novel, released initially in digital, serialized form. Currently the plan is to publish these episodes weekly between December 2012 through February 2013. Like the episodes of a good high-end cable drama, each one will have enough internal integrity to work as an enjoyable chunk of story on its own, but each will advance a ‘season’-long storyline as well.”

The book will be released in traditional formats next year, once the experiment has concluded. Hayden hopes that the price for the complete serialized novel will be “about the same as buying the full eBook.”

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

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